I ran away from home for the weekend. I came home refreshed, only to find that, in the long run, my problem is so much more than I thought. To all appearances, I either care too much, or not nearly enough. From my point of view, I am doing above and beyond what is wise for me to shoulder just now, and I worry about being able to handle what I have agreed to be in charge of.
From the other point of view (and this only from what I can tell by the way our conversations have been tending) I am doing just bare minimum and have the easy end of the stick. Me being overwhelmed is not thought of because I am not being asked to do anything very hard or demanding. The one thing I can feel sure of is that I have shown that I am not having any difficulties and am plenty strong for the task at hand.
Some days it is unfortunate to be such a good liar when people ask about how you are and you tell them you are pretty good AND THEY BELIEVE YOU! This would not be such a difficulty were it true, but just at the moment, the person I am having many of these conversations with is under a ton of stress and I don't feel that I should be adding to her troubles by telling her the truth about the state of my emotions just lately, since it is not very good. I am depressed (which is chronic, but in a valley of late) tired, anxious, angry, and overwhelmed by circumstances that are not my fault, but that I am part of holding what is left together. And, in the middle of all this, I am trying to rediscover exactly who I am. *sigh* I think I may need to invest in a greater amount of bubble bath, or over the next month I am going to run out.